Game of Thrones Stray Thoughts

Well, it’s over.  Here are my observations on the final season, mainly around thematic inconsistencies, letdowns, continuity errors and other.  And maybe even a few stray positive thoughts!  In fact, let’s start there.

THE GOOD:

Okay, it wasn’t entirely terrible and there were a small handful of things I didn’t entirely hate!

*Bronn – I thought he was one of the only consistent characters throughout the final season (perhaps due to his limited screen time).  At the end of the day, the guy is a sellsword who only cares about making money and banging whores.  Maybe that’s why he remained consistent, pretty easy to write.  I also really liked that at the end, he’s the Lord of Highgarden.  I mean, several of the Great Houses are dead, so new houses have to get built somewhere, right?  Without explicitly stating it, I like that we were shown how a new great house can start, in Bronn’s case it was by betting on both sides and managing to survive long enough to collect.  I think House Bronn has a great future ahead of them and although it makes zero sense that he’s the Master of Coin, I don’t even care. 

*Clegane Bowl.  I thought this was a completely fitting ending for both of these characters (including Qyburn getting his face smashed in as an appetizer).  Neither of these guys was going to get a happy ending and them dying together falling hundreds of feet into flames seemed like a good way to go.  Not the best one on one combat the show had, but Sandor Clegane’s story was told and came to a satisfying conclusion. 

*Jon Snow’s ending.  I’m actually pretty okay with this, even though it was rushed (like everything else) and concluded poorly.  I like that he’s banished to the Night’s Watch (much like Maester Aemon before him, also the ‘true heir’, only to desert them to go, presumably, become King Beyond the Wall.  Him killing Dany made sense, even though it was rushed (again) and not particularly well done. 

*Dany’s heel turn.  I guess this is something that an overwhelming number of viewers had a problem with.  Was it done quickly and without much build-up?  Was it executed horrible?  Absolutely.  Had they stretched this out over the course of a season, rather than one glancing look at the Red Keep it would have been much better, but I thought it was well within her character to go that way and murder thousands of innocents.  If it had been built up properly it could have been so much better. 

*Tyrion.  Sure, I have no problems here.  He is the last remaining Lannister (I assume, they seemed to have a shitload of cousins but I guess they’re all dead now too), he’s the Hand of the King now and even though it made no sense that he wasn’t written into the history, he should still have a fine time helping Bran rule (although that should also be unnecessary since Bran is al seeing and all knowing so why the FUCK does he need anyone’s help?). 

THE BAD:

Where did those Dothraki come from at the battle at King’s Landing?  Weren’t all of these guys sent out to die in the first wave against the army of the dead?  No?  There was a second unit hiding somewhere?  Okay sure, then why were they never seen again during the Battle of Winterfell? 

Why didn’t everyone explode into ice when the Night King was killed?  We saw it several times earlier in the show – you kill a white walker and all the people he raised shatter into ice or snow or glass or whatever the fuck.  They had that huge funeral pyre after the battle for all the dead, but there shouldn’t have been any bodies, or at least not a whole lot of them since, you know, they should have exploded when the night king died (this happened to Viserion as he was about to attack Jon).

What in the everloving fuck was the point of the Night King?  I already wrote about this on my previous post so no need to recap, but this entire plot point ended up being a giant fuck you to all of us.

What in the everloving fuck was Jaime’s character arc?  He was the most complicated character in the show and killed off in one of the stupidest ways imaginable, dying in a cave-in trying to save his sister/lover.  Why did he even travel to Winterfell in the first place then? 

Speaking of his death, when Jaime and Cercei go under the keep to escape they find themselves trapped by rubble, and the entire place seemingly caves in.  Wait no, that’s not right because Tyrion heads down there and is able to walk around where he finds them together under a moderately small pile of rocks.  Great, sure.  Their deaths must have been the two most unsatisfying of the entire show.  Cercei – not killed by Jaime, Arya, The Hound, Jon Snow, a dragon, the Night King.  No, killed by falling fucking rocks. 

What happens when Bran dies?  Do these dumb dumbs believe there will be a peaceful transition of power when the heads of whoever is around determine a new king?  Don’t they have, I don’t know, thousands of years of history telling them otherwise?  Why is Yara so shocked at the idea of electing a new leader WHEN IT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO IN THE IRON ISLANDS?

Who the fuck is that new Prince of Dorne and why does he matter so little?  Actually strike that, who fucking cares. 

Okay so Sansa is the Queen of the North.  Wait a second, this was just an option?

I know it was briefly touched on during the show, but what is west of Westeros?  In thousands and thousands of years, nobody has sailed in that general direction?  Count me out for the Arya the Explorer spin-off.

Azor Ahai.  Oh, another thread that was actually meaningless?  Cool. 

I won’t even go into detail how much I hated the death of Rhaegal and how absolutely stupid it was. The inconsistency and logical problems with this, especially as it relates to Drogon and how he was able to avoid all projectiles are mind-numbing.

Back to Jon Snow – so, why is there even a Night’s Watch anymore?  I guess there has to be somewhere to send the criminals you don’t want to execute but….what exactly do they watch anymore?  The army of the dead has been defeated and everyone is friends with the wildlings now so….what does the Watch watch?  Do they just sit around complaining about the cold now?  And how much of that wall is still standing?  It sure seems like a lot, even though we saw a lot more of it crumble previously.  Oh well, whatever.

Everything about Euron Greyjoy. 

Everything Brann.  What was he doing during the Battle of Winterfell?  Why does he get to become King, because he has the best fucking story (also very arguable)? 

The Golden Company.  No, they had no elephants and actually, they had nothing.  Nothing at all.  We saw them for a quick flash before they were all wiped out in one fell swoop by Drogon.  A completely pointless arc concocted by Cercei that ended up being absolutely meaningless.  Bye Harry Strickland, it was nice knowing you for those two scenes you were in. 

They sure built King’s Landing back quickly, seems to me this should have taken years, if not decades. 

So Sam is what, the Archmaester of King’s Landing now?  I recall him leaving the Citadel and not being anywhere near completing his training but I guess they just take deserters back no problem.  It’s like adding a dropping a class apparently.  Or maybe he was given an honorary degree since he did find a cure to Greyscale and all. 

I know it doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things, but what’s going on in Essos now?  Dany sort of just up and left, assuming that slavery wouldn’t come back, but there’s basically nobody to enforce that anymore, rending all of her time spent there totally pointless.

In fact, if there’s one consistency that the final season showed us, is that there is no consistency.  Character arcs mean nothing, logic doesn’t exist and nothing matters.

Look, I’m not one of these morons who signed a petition crying that HBO needs to redo the season.  You’re not going to make all the people happy all of the time.  That said, I really hope GRRM finally finishes these fucking books so we can get an actual ending that makes a bit of fucking sense, that has some thematic consistency, and doesn’t give us the Wayne’s World Super Happy Ending that the show gave us. 

Breaking Bad Blew It Too

So this post is only six years late but seeing as how my last post about Game of Thrones was overwhelmingly popular (and by that I mean not one, not two, but THREE people actually said something to me about it today at work) I figured it was time to sit down and write this one out.  And obviously, spoilers below for a show that ended six years ago.

I loved Breaking Bad, it was one of my favorite TV dramas of all time, the list which looks something like this:

1) The Wire

2) Breaking Bad

3) The Americans 

4) Friday Night Lights

...

...

899) Lost

900) Sons of Anarchy (stand by for a future post about how much I hated this show yet marathoned the entire series recently despite hating everyone in it and everything about it by episode three).

And before I get any shit, there are plenty of TV shows I've never seen but will get around to one day - The Leftovers is at the top of my list.  I'll get to The Shield one day.  And if I ever find an unlimited amount of hours I'd like to watch the West Wing and Deadwood as well, among others. 

A guy only has so much free time, even watching most television in 1.5 speed doesn't leave enough time for everything.

But I've gone off on a tangent, let me get back to Breaking Bad.

Breaking Bad was a near perfect show that came so close to getting it right but missed the mark at the very end.  Some people would say that this show had a bummer ending (Walt died - waaaah) but I argue that the show had the happiest possible ending given the circumstances the main characters found themselves in during the final season.  Just because a main character dies doesn't mean it's a bummer ending.  

And look, I don’t want to see bummer endings just for the sake of a bummer ending.  It needs to make sense and much like Game of Thrones, Breaking Bad set itself up perfectly for the most bummer of bummer endings. 

By season five the writing was on the wall: Walt was going to die.  He is diagnosed with cancer in the very first episode of the series and by the final season his cancer has returned and he’s getting makeshift chemo treatments in his secret lodge in New Hampshire.  So if it wasn’t being killed at the hands of nazis or police, cancer was going to get him anyway. 

But much like Game of Thrones, Vince Gilligan created circumstances that could have left me feeling far more satisfied at the conclusion of the show.

When Walter White made the transition from high school chemistry teacher to criminal mastermind and meth cooker, he originally did it for one reason: to be able to leave something for his family.  It was the main theme of season one.  Walt didn’t love cooking meth at the start, he just wanted his family to be financially secure once he was gone.

However, as time progressed, Walter White became a super-villain of sorts.  His cancer went into remission but he kept cooking.  Providing for his family went out the window as he eventually had more money than they would ever need but it also tore his family apart.  He loved the power he had and the empire he had built and it actually COST him his family.

By late season six, his wife was terrified of him and his son hated him.  He was responsible for the death of his brother-in-law and his partner in the New Mexico desert.  Meanwhile, Walt's partner in crime, Jesse Pinkman, was a slave to white supremacists, cooking meth against his will until they were most likely going to eventually kill him once they got good enough at cooking themselves.  Also, almost all of his money had been stolen by the nazis and Walter had to flee the state with help from Saul’s fixer.  

Basically, things were pretty shitty. 

The show concluded with Walter giving ten million dollars to his former business partner to give to his family, Walt kills all the nazis (while taking a stray bullet and dying himself) and Jesse escapes.  His family eventually got the money, Jesse made it out alive and sure, things are still pretty shitty but I’d argue this was the happiest possible conclusion to an otherwise unhappy show. 

So, here’s what I would have done differently, which I think would have fit better thematically in the context of the show:

First of all, Walt’s cancer never comes back, that’s important because I don’t want the looming threat that Walter’s life is finished regardless of other events. 

In one of the last episodes, Lydia (Walt’s business partner of sorts as the supplier of a key ingredient in his cooking) hires the nazis to kill Skyler White because she has too much information.  Lydia is nothing if not paranoid and ruthless as she was the one who wanted to have all of her connections in prison executed so this makes perfect sense.

However, the nazis don’t go through with the plan, instead assuring Lydia that Skyler is scared enough and will never speak to the police.

So, that’s bullshit. 

In my ending, the nazis go through with Lydia’s plan.  They break into the house late at night, kill Skyler, Walt Jr, and maybe even the baby.  Actually yes, definitely the baby, don’t want her coming back later to hunt them down.  I mean, they are nazis after all. 

Walter, now living in a cabin in New Hampshire, gets word of the murders since he was already national news, and decides to go back to New Mexico to avenge them.  Just about everything else can play out nearly the same except for all the stupidity that surrounded the final episode with him running all around Albuquerque without being spotted (that really annoyed me) by anyone.  And of course he wouldn’t visit his old business partner to give him money to pass along to his family, because they’re all dead.

Walter buys a machine gun, just like what happened.  He makes a deal with Lydia and Todd to give his recipe to the nazis in exchange for a million dollars (a ruse anyway), just like what actually happened.   He goes to the nazis compound and kills all the nazis, just like what actually happened. 

However, Walter doesn’t take a stray bullet, he survives the massacre.  But Jesse eats it too, so now he’s dead.

Everyone Walter has ever cared about is dead: Skyler, Walt Jr, the baby, and in a twisted way due to their love/hate relationship, Jesse Pinkman.  Only Walter survives. 

The final shot of the show is Walt, looking at a family photo of happier times, crying.  Cut to black, the end.

The irony would have been incredible and thematically, it would have been beautiful.  Walter lives only to see everyone he cared about dead.  It started out in season 1 as a mission to leave something to his family, but Walter got lost along the way.  He became Heisenburg.  He lied to his family, he killed people and had people killed.  He became the biggest drug kingpin in the southwest United States.  And in the end, his transition to villain killed everyone he loved. 

And sure, he probably would kill himself after this but I’m not that dark and I’d leave that up to you, the viewer, to decide

What do you think?

Game of Thrones Blew It

I am still digesting the events of the most recent episode of Game of Thrones.  Having read a few reviews and thoughts from my friends, I figured I’d take some time to write something a little longer-form than my normally Facebook complaining.  Obviously, spoilers ahead.

In two words, I found the Battle of Winterfell to be incredibly disappointing for reasons I’ll delve into here.

Game of Thrones has done some amazing things in the last seven seasons in terms of taking long-standing fantasy and dramatic tropes and flipping them on their head.  From season 1 and Ned Stark being executed at the Sept of Baelor, we were set to know that in this world, nobody is safe, heroes die, shit happens. 

For seven seasons, all the great houses have been battling with each other for control over Westeros and the Iron Throne – I’m not always entirely sure why given that since the start of the show, kings haven’t exactly had very long lives (see: Robert Baratheon, Joffrey, Tommen) and many of the people attempting to take their seat also haven’t had the best of luck.

But, underlying all of this there has been the one existential threat: the white walkers and their army of the dead.  From the very first episode, we learned that despite all the fighting amongst the houses of the seven kingdoms, the real threat was the one that was constantly being ignored, disbelieved or uncared about by nearly everyone except Jon Snow and the night’s watch. 

And so, Game of Thrones gave itself an amazing opportunity to upend all storytelling and go bold with the most logical and satisfying ending possible: the death of nearly all humanity in Westeros.  They had the chance for the bummer of all bummer endings and they blew it.  But it wouldn’t have been a bummer ending just for the sake of a bummer ending, it would have been a bummer ending because it would have fit the narrative that had been laid out for seven years. 

Look, I knew it wasn’t going to happen.  But I held out hope until about the last three minutes of this episode right before Arya flew out of the sky (seriously?) to kill the Night King and essentially end the threat that has been building and building for eight seasons.  In one fell swoop, the largest threat to humanity was killed.

Give me a break.  What was the point of all of this?  Why was the Night King so stupid to walk right into a trap?  Why did they leave Bran alone with Theon and about 10 other Ironborn to protect him (even though this stupidly worked out in the end)?  And why did Arya even have to jump in like she did anyway when she probably could have just shot the Night King with a dragonglass arrow from safety somewhere (or anyone could have done that for that matter).  I’m so bummed that the show let everyone off the hook with such ease.  I’m sure more characters will die and ‘bad’ things will happen before the ultimate conclusion but the greatest threat to humanity on Westeros is gone. 

So, here’s the ending I would have written before this bullshit and the one I would write now that the army of the dead has been so stupidly defeated.

My Ending:

The Battle of Winterfell happens.  Just about everyone dies, since they are essentially outnumbered 100:1 (or more, we were never really told).  A small handful of core characters escape the battle once it becomes clear there’s no chance of survival, for the sake of this let’s say Dany, John Snow, Tyrion, Sansa.  A few others can survive this too just for some added drama for the next series of events, let’s say Sandor Clegane, Jorah Mormont.  Everyone else dies.  All the Dothraki die. 

SIDE NOTE: All the Dothraki died in the battle but Jesus Christ, what a wasted opportunity in this last episode.  After they all went charging in (and uh, what were they supposed to accomplish here exactly?  What was this strategy?) and all their lights were extinguished, why didn’t the Night King raise them all?  What should have happened is they all should have charged BACK at Winterfell, but this time they’re all undead fighting for the Night King.  I don’t think we saw a single undead Dothraki Screamer in this episode, although we did get, I believe, a single Thenn – super.

Anyway, everyone dies.  All the Dothraki.  All the Unsullied (Grey Worm ESPECIALLY) die.  All the Wildlings die (Tormund Giantsbane ESPECIALLY).  Just about everyone in the crypt dies (VARAS ESPECIALLY).  All the Northmen and Knights of the Vale die (including Robert Arryn who should have found his way to the crypt as well).  The army of the dead destroy Winterfell. 

However, that small group escapes.  They flee to King’s Landing to warn Cercei.  Now they’re like, ‘okay, seriously, we need to work together or else everyone on this continent is dead, do you get it?’  Cercei agrees, now she needs the Golden Company and the few remaining fighters from the north to work together to save humanity.

But it’s too late and there simply aren’t enough fighters to hold off the Night King.  The army of the dead makes it to King’s Landing and kills everyone.  They kill Sandor Clegane, then he gets raised and Undead Sandor Clegane kills his brother, the Mountain.  The Mountain gets raised (again, of sorts) to also fight for the Night King.  Tyrion dies.  Brienne of Tarth dies, is raised, and kills Jaime Lannister.  John Snow dies as he’s ravaged by countless undead.  Sam Tarly is killed, gets raised, and kills Gilly and her baby.  The Golden Company is wiped out.  It’s a total bloodbath.  Almost nobody is spared. 

However, the three remaining female heads of their families escape (four, if you include Yara) on Yara’s ship.  The show ends with Cersei, Sansa, and Dany escaping, sailing east to Essos.  They leave together in stunned silence, trying to figure out where it all went wrong.  Even Cersei is like, “fuck, I should have listened.”  The final scene is the Night King, standing in a completely destroyed King’s Landing, watching them sail away.  He’s surrounded by all the dead.  He stares off to the sea, thinking about how he’s going to make it over to Essos to finish the job.  He raises his hands to lift the dead (mostly just the Golden Company at this point) and the show cuts to black, the end.

This is the ending I’ve been prepared for (even though I knew this would never happen).  George RR Martin created this amazing looming threat, and in the end they should win because nobody bothered to deal with them this whole time.  But no, they are stupid and walk into the worst trap ever (which happens to work) and they are exterminated.  Ugh. 

Okay, so now that that’s definitely not happening, here’s the only ending at this point I’m going to be satisfied with (also not going to happen):

I don’t care who wins, it really doesn’t matter at this point.  Based on the fact that Martin killed off the Night King as if he never mattered in the first place (and did he?  What was the point of all this?), I’m sure this is going to get the Wayne’s World “Super Happy Ending,” whatever that is.  Probably Dany and John Snow ruling together after eliminating Cersei and the Golden Company.  Hell, maybe even Brienne, Grey Worm and Gilly make it out alive at this rate.

Anyway, I don’t care who wins.  Let’s just say Dany and John because that seems most likely at this point.  Fine, great, whatever, they win.  In the last episode, John explains that the White Walkers were defeated thousands of years ago, they were just defeated again, and in turn, they might be coming back.  So, they have to build a new wall, the last one stood for thousands of years just fine until the undead found themselves with a dragon. 

The show ends similarly to how it began.  A new wall is being constructed.  A few rangers from the New Night’s Watch are out ranging when all of a sudden, it gets really cold, crows start flying overhead and a new White Walker emerges, and cuts their heads off.  The threat never really went away and never will.  The end.

It’s all I can hope for at this point.