HANGIN' IN (TV Series, 1984) - Teen Client
Okay, I literally have never heard of this show and have no idea what it is but I did find the clip that Keanu Reeves is in on Youtube.
This is about as 80's looking as it can get and I have absolutely no idea what is happening in this clip of an obscure Canadian TV show that ran for seven years. I can only assume by his credit of "teen client" that this was the only part on the show he ever appeared in and I have to be honest, he's actually pretty funny in this even if it seems he's actually playing the character, Keanu Reeves.
TV Show Rating: Not enough info to judge.
Keanu Rating: 8/10, I laughed at one of his two lines. A raw, undiscovered talent to be sure.
COCA-COLA: COKE IS IT! (Commercial, 1984) - Biker
Well it looks like I'm already breaking my rules now that I'm apparently reviewing goddamn TV commercials. I don't know why I was surprised to learn that this is also available on Youtube. Goddamn, what a time to be alive, coronavirus and all.
You know what I bet everyone wants after a long, competitive bike ride? A Coke! This reminds me of when they released that absolutely foul alcoholic beverage known as Michelob Ultra and the original marketings was that this was somehow the favorite beer of athletes. If you drink Michelob Ultra, you're not an athlete and you might want to consider killing yourself.
Anyway, this Coke commercial isn't half bad, and I really love the last line where Keanu says, "My Dad!" This is of course, a bit ironic as not only did Keanu's real dad not teach him how to ride a bike, but he hasn't been in Keanu's life since Keanu was about six years old. Sad.
Commercial Rating: 9/10, would watch again.
Keanu Rating: 9/10 - totally believable performance. Way to go, Keanu.
NIGHT HEAT (TV Series, 1985) - Thug #2
Ah, how could any of us forget Keanu Reeves' unforgettable performance of Thug #2 in the 1985 episode of Night Heat?
Amazingly, this is ALSO available on Youtube, and despite watching the entire episode (in 5x speed), I somehow must have missed his performance. I think that must have been him in the opening sequence attempting to rob and rape an innocent woman in her car but the video quality is so shitty and I don't think he has any lines either.
I don't know what this show is, I don't know why I'm unable to embed the video, and frankly I don't care and neither do you. Night Heat was apparently a Canadian crime show that aired for four seasons that I'm sure nobody at all misses or pines over. We'll be getting a reboot of it within a few years I'm sure.
TV Show Rating: I couldn't tell you, I watched it in 5x speed hoping that Keanu would reappear after the opening sequence with a line or two. He did not.
Keanu Rating: Not enough information - zero lines as far as I can tell and way too grainy to even get a good view of his facial expressions.
LETTING GO (TV Movie, 1985) - Stereo Teen #1
I don't know what Letting Go is, but based on the short clip that Keanu Reeves is in, I don't really care. John Ritter apparently plays an electronics store owner or employee and gets really aggravated when Stereo Teen #1 and who I'm assuming is Stereo Teen #2 show up in his store acting all rowdy. Clearly they don't have the money to afford this very expensive stereo equipment!
Keanu's performance in this scene actually reminded me a lot of his role in Bill and Ted, and he even gets a chance to get in a little air guitar, amazing!
TV Movie Rating: Not enough information to judge. Even if I could find the whole movie I am not wasting my time as I'm pretty certain the above clip was Keanu's only footage in the movie.
Keanu Rating: 9/10. I very much believed him as Stereo Teen #1, I only wish I could have gotten to see him throw some John Wick moves at John Ritter.
COMEDY FACTOR (TV Series, 1985) - Crackers
I have no idea what this is or what it refers to. I cannot find any Keanu Reeves clips from this on Youtube. However, when I did search for this, I did find the following clip, which is an interview of a very young Keanu Reeves aired on the CBC:
ONE STEP AWAY (Short, 1985) - Ron Petrie
I don't really know what this is either, but it appears to have also aired on the CBC in 1985. It airs like an after-school special about a troubled youth (Keanu as Ron Petrie) who is trying to change his life around and do the right thing. Was it actually an after school special? I have no idea. The ending is very ambiguous as Keanu agrees to move out of his mother's apartment in order to save her from being evicted by her asshole landlord. And yes, I watched all 30 minutes of this thing, whatever it is.
Keanu Rating: 5/10. He's not bad, he's not good. But he is rocking the fuck out of that dangly earring.
YOUNGBLOOD (Movie, 1986) - Heaver
Youngblood is a hockey movie staring Patrick Swayze and Rob Lowe, two pretty big hitters. Keanu isn't billed anywhere near the top of this one so I don't feel like dedicating 90 minutes to watching the entire thing. Do yourself a favor and watch the only clip I could find:
https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2m1a40
Movie Rating: Undetermined, but if the rest of the movie is as good as this 3 minute clip, I'm guessing I'm not missing much.
Keanu Rating: 1/10. Did you watch the clip? No, did you? Keanu only has two lines in it and I'm not sure what to make of it. What is that accent? Is he French? French Canadian? The Swedish Chef? An alien? Just because I'm a fan doesn't mean I'm an idiot. Whatever that was supposed to be was downright dreadful.
ACT OF VENGEANCE (TV Movie) - Buddy Martin
Keanu is way far down on the billing on this one and despite it starring Charles Bronson AND Wilfred Brimley (AKA the Diabetes guy) I think I'm going to go ahead and say I don't need to watch this thing in its entirety. I did find the Keanu Reeves clip though!
IMDB lists this as a TV movie but Keanu drops a few F-bombs in this short, 9 minute clip, so I don't think that can be right. I don't know what this movie is either but Keanu is not a good guy. In this scene, he breaks into a house along with two other guys (one I don't recognize and the other being the Grits cook in My Cousin Vinny) in an attempt to rob it, but they end up shooting three people while they sleep, including Charles Bronson. And if there's one thing I know about Charles Bronson, it's that he doesn't take any shit, so I'm guessing he gets his revenge. It's also called "Act of Vengeance" so, yeah.
Movie Rating: Undetermined. I don't even know if Keanu has any other scenes, although I'd be willing to bet that Charles Bronson shoots him at some point.
Keanu Rating: 6/10 - He's not bad as a villain in this clip but not particularly scary either, at least until he randomly murders two people for no apparent reason.
MAGICAL WORLD OF DISNEY - YOUNG AGAIN - (TV Series) - Michael Riley
Okay, I couldn't sit through this. Partially because the only clip I could find appears to start halfway through this and I have no frame of reference and partially because it seems to really suck. From what I gather, this is some type of body switching/Freaky Friday/Big situation where a 40 year old Keanu Reeves wishes he was 17 years old again.
The part that really lost me was in the opening monologue where Keanu says that he was the best basketball player in Georgetown history. Um, it's 1986, have you ever heard of Patrick Ewing?
TV Show Rating: Couldn't tell you, I only watched two minutes of a 14 minute clip of a 30 minute or 1 hour tv show.
Keanu Rating: 3/10. Sorry, I just can't get past that Georgetown basketball comment.
Okay, this seems like a good place to stop. I've covered the very early Keanu Reeves years, it's a bit of a mixed bag and if I didn't know any better, I couldn't have told you that this guy would end up being a megastar.
On the next installment of the Keanu Reeves project, I am going to watch Keanu's first starring role in the 1986 movie, Flying. See you then!
No comments:
Post a Comment