The Keanu Reeves Project - The Neon Demon

THE NEON DEMON (2016) - Hank

What can one say about "The Neon Demon?"  Written and directed by Nicolas Winding Refn (that's Refn, NOT Redfin) and starring Elle Fanning, this movie went from a slightly dull and not particularly unique take on the fashion industry for the first two acts to super fucking weird, disturbing, and just a little bit gross for the final one.  

I'm not really familiar with most of Refn's previous work, having only seen the 2011 movie, "Drive," and while I barely remember that movie I feel like what's given to us on screen definitely has some similarities.  For the record, while "Drive" was really well regarded (92% on Rotten Tomatoes), I remember being supremely underwhelmed and mostly bored with it.  And even though Keanu has about seven minutes of screen time in "The Neon Demon," he speaks about the same amount of lines as Ryan Gosling in "Drive."  

Where was I?  Oh right, "The Neon Demon," which for the record are two words that look like they should rhyme, but don't, like 'strange' and 'orange.'  Maybe that's what I'll call my next screenplay, "The Strange Orange."  

So "The Neon Demon" is just chock full of symbolism (PAY ATTENTION TO ALL THE COLORS AND SHAPES), some of it subtle, some of it...not so much.  You could also say that I probably could have skipped it as Keanu, who is pretty great in this for what he is, is barely in it.  

So, I guess this movie is supposed to be a cautionary tale of narcissism and jealousy, shot beautifully but lacking much in the way of unique thought even if the last 20ish minutes are completely and utterly bonkers.  I can't really express how much I liked the way this movie looked, which I guess makes sense for a movie called "The Neon Demon," but at the end of the day that's not going to make up for a lot of what I just watched.

And, if you've been here before you know the drill: full spoilers ahead.

The movie opens up with Jesse, played by Elle Fanning, in the middle of a photo shoot, she's lying on a couch and covered in blood (STAY TUNED!).  Backstage, she meets a makeup artist named Ruby who invites her to a party where she meets a few of Ruby's model friends, Gigi and Sarah and they all share a weird conversation about lipstick and how they are all named after food or sex, and these chicks are CATTY and clearly already jealous of Jesse's beauty.  Sarah even says something like "Well I think you're perfect and would never say you look fat."

Vampire chic

Purple!

Nice.  From here on, we the audience are beaten over the head with a lead pipe on just how goddamn beautiful Jesse is (for the record, I don't see it).  

Despite the fact that Jesse has only been in town for about a day and a half, she gets an appointment with a potential agent (look how easy it is to make it in LA!), played in a total of one scene by Christina Hendricks.  Christina wants to sign Jesse on the spot (she's just so special!) before learning that Jesse is only 16 years old and telling her she needs a parental consent form.  Jesse heads back to her hotel room, because she's all alone in LA, and forges a signature before heading out on a date with Dean, the photographer from the opening scene.  Dean learns her actual age and while he's dissuaded at first since, you know, she's barely 16, he stays interested because SHE'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL.

Jesse returns to her seedy hotel room but when she walks in the lights won't turn out and there's a shadowy figure hunched next to her bed.  Naturally, she freaks out and runs downstairs and bangs on the door of the hotel manager, waking him from his sleep or drinking session and an angry voice demands to know what's going on and 30 minutes into the movie we finally meet Keanu!  

Keanu is angry he has been disturbed and he totally doesn't want her calling the police (naturally, he runs a very seedy motel that rents rooms to 16 year olds) and Jessie brings him and his buddy up to her room to investigate only to discover that Jessie had left her sliding door open and a goddamn bobcat had busted in.  

Keanu: fucking finally!

The next day, Jesse heads to a test photoshoot with some big-time photographer named Jack that has been setup by her new agent.  Unfortunately we never see how they removed the bobcat as it would have been the most interesting thing to happen in this movie so far.

So she shows up to the shoot where the photographer immediately tosses everyone out of the room and tells Jesse to strip (he's unaware of her real age although I'm not sure it would have mattered).  It was at this point I was really worried that I was going to get yet ANOTHER KEANU REEVES MOVIE RAPE SCENE but thankfully, it did not happen.  He just wanted her naked so he could rub gold paint all over her for the photo shoot and he's totally mesmerized by her BECAUSE SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

I...Love...Gooooold!

After the shoot, Jesse has lunch with Ruby and her two awful model friends, who are still very catty and still very jealous that Jesse has basically shown up out of nowhere and is already being shot by famous photographers.  One of the models, Gigi, mentions how much plastic surgery she's gotten because she'll do anything to be beautiful and she's envious that Jessie is naturally JUST SO GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL.  DO YOU GET IT YET YOU FUCKING IDIOTS?  JESSE IS A DIAMOND IN A WORLD FULL OF DOG TURDS.  

What a pair of uggos compared to Jesse, right?

Later, Jesse is at an audition for a runway show with the other model from lunch, Sarah while the designer whose show it is watches on, clearly bored with all the boring and plain looking models that have been sent to him but he perks up when Jesse hits the stage for her walk BECAUSE FUCKING HELL SHE'S JUST LIKE THE EPITOMY OF EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER BEEN BEAUTIFUL YOU MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLES.  SHE'S LIKE THE PLASTIC BAG IN "AMERICAN BEAUTY" - TOTALLY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.  The designer immediately sends her back for measurements, which infuriates Sarah who doesn't book the show, instead heading to the nearest bathroom and throwing a trashcan through the mirror.

My god....she's BEAUTIFUL!

Sarno's Derelicte campaign - sorry you didn't book it!

Jesse hears the bathroom mirror shatter and goes to see what's going on but injures her wrist on a broken piece of mirror and Sarah, in just a bit of foreshadowing, decides now's a great time to attempt to slurp down some of Jesse's blood because maybe THIS IS A WAY TO BECOME MORE BEAUTIFUL!  IF I DRINK YOUR BLOOD CAN I BE BEAUTIFUL TOO?

We get a quick scene of Ruby working at her day job, which is apparently doing makeup on dead people at a mortuary.  Hey, it's great practice and your clients can't complain if you did a bad job.

Jesse heads back to her motel room, injured, and waits for Keanu to head back inside from a smoke break to go to her room, avoiding him because, you know, he's a creepy weirdo who gives off a pretty rapey vibe.  Dean shows up, flowers in hand, only to watch Jesse pass out from the blood loss.  Dean goes to talk to Keanu because Jesse has told him that Keanu is demanding money for the damage to the hotel room, and Keanu extorts Dean for all the money he's holding on him, a whopping $140, which seems a bit light for all the damage that a goddamn bobcat would have done in a motel room.

Keanu then proceeds with a super creepy and REALLY WELL delivered monologue about how Dean is chasing after young girls and if he's really into that sort of thing, a 13 year old runaway has checked in to room 214 (next door to Jesse) and it's some "real Lolita shit."

Jesse heals up and heads to the fancy runway show she's booked.  Gigi is there as well and is basically like, "what the fuck are you doing here, how the fuck did you book this gig?"  DUH, IT'S BECAUSE SHE'S AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUNSET OVER THE BEAUTIFUL OCEAN YOU DUMB BITCH.  Jesse is asked to speak with the designer, Sarno, who tells Jesse that she's going to be closing the show.  Seriously, this girl has been in LA for about three days and she's already closing runway shows for famous designers because sure, she's the 2016 Mona Fucking Lisa.  

Hi, I'm here for The Joker auditions

We get a pretty long scene of the show itself which is CHOCK FULL of symbolism, including all the color changes from blue (innocent and humble) to red (narcissistic) and Jesse even starts making out with herself in a reflection.  Maybe if everyone in LA wasn't constantly talking about HOW FUCKING BEAUTIFUL she is this entire situation could have been avoided.

After the show, Sarno is having drinks with two of the models, including Gigi, and Jesse shows up with Dean but Gigi won't let them sit at the cool kids table.

Sarno goes into a whole monologue about how you can only be born beautiful and can't make yourself that way, clearly a shot at Gigi.  Dean gets annoyed at the whole situation and leaves, waiting for Jesse back at her motel where he asks, "do you really want to be like them," only to get her reply, "they want to be like me."  You're so fucking vain, Jesse.  And beautiful.  Have I mentioned beautiful?

Jesse goes to bed only to be awoken by Keanu, who has broken into her room and shoved a knife in her mouth.  And just when I thought this movie was going to get rapey again, Jesse awakes only for us to realize it was just a dream.

What's not a dream, however, is when someone DOES try to break into her room and after failing, heads to the room next door where "Lolita" is presumably sleeping and Jesse listens to the girl get sexually assaulted.  Rather than, I don't know, calling the police, Jesse calls Ruby and literally says "I didn't know who else to call" (I said beautiful, NOT smart) and Ruby tells Jesse to come over to her place.

Here's where this movie starts to go off the rails.

Jesse shows up to Ruby's place (she's living in a fucking palace that she says she's housesitting) and Ruby tries to make some sexual advances, which are rebuffed.  I mean, how could she help herself?  Jesse, as has been established, is GODDAMN HELEN OF TROY AND WARS WILL BE STARTED OVER HER ONE DAY.

The next day, Ruby goes back to her day job doing makeup on dead bodies, where she starts fantasizing about Jesse and winds up MAKING OUT WITH A DEAD WOMAN and FINGERING THE DEAD CORPSE.

As you might imagine, this scene is super hot gross.

Back at the mansion, Jesse is putting on makeup and playing dress up, now completely infatuated with her own beauty, and winds up hanging out outside on the diving board of an empty pool.  

This is my Jem and the Holograms look

By the way, why is the pool empty?  Isn't this California?  Ruby gets home from work/fucking dead bodies and listens to Jesse deliver a monologue about how beautiful she is and how all women want to look like her.  Jesse heads back in the house only to discover that Sarah and Gigi are inside, who proceed to attack her and chase her back outside to the pool.  The cat fights have turned into full on knife battles, which ends when Ruby, presumably upset by having her sexual advances rebuffed by the MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD, pushes Jesse into the deep end of an empty pool, killing her.  Oh, so that's why the pool was empty.  Deus ex swimming pool, got it.

Young, beautiful and dead

After the murder, we get a scene of the three murderers all together in a bathroom.  Gigi and Sarah shower together, cleaning a whole lot of blood off of each other while Ruby watches, bathing in a bathtub literally covered in blood.  Why so much blood and where did this all come from you might be wondering?  Well, I guess I'll get to this in a minute.

It's exfoliating!

The next day, the two models drive up the Pacific Coast Highway to another modeling shoot while Ruby waters plants at home and hangs out in a shallow grave.  The two models are being shot by the famous photographer from earlier in the movie, but halfway through the shoot Gigi starts feeling ill and runs off to a bathroom where she starts convulsing and eventually PUKES UP AN EYEBALL.  

Yes, the three of them literally ate Jesse to...I don't know...gain her beauty?   Also, are eyeballs undigestable?  Apparently.   Don't tell the folks from the dinner party in "Temple of Doom."

YUM!

Sarah comes into the bathroom to see what's going on and witnesses the scene.  Gigi, now shouting that she has to "get her out of me" picks up a scissors that happens to be lying on the ground, and stabs herself in the gut and she dies.  Gigi, stoic through the entire sequence of events, doesn't want to let a good meal go to waste and picks up and eats the puked up eyeball.

Were you gonna eat that?

I swear to god, all of this all really happens in this movie and then, abruptly, it ends.

I mean...what can you say about this thing?  What's the message here?  The symbolism is completely over the top and the story kind of suffers from it, but that third act is completely fucking bananas.  I guess the moral is that if you're too beautiful, other models will get jealous and eventually eat you.  Or something.

Just a few side notes:

*I know I already said it but this movie does LOOK great, I wanted to include so many more screenshots I took but I also really wanted to include about 100 more pictures and gifs from Zoolander.  All about finding that happy medium.

*Who or what is the titular "Neon Demon?"  I'd argue it's Keanu.  

*Where the fuck is this 16 year old's parents?  We barely learn anything about her background and while it's hinted that they might be dead, she's still 16 and would still have a guardian of some kind.

*This movie is just too on the nose in so many areas.  Whether it's the symbolism or the scenes of models who make jokes about not eating and even the fact that it concludes with Jesse being literally EATEN by other models (I guess they do make exceptions to the whole no eating thing when what they're eating is THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON THAT HAS EVER EXISTED).

*The soundtrack is pretty fun too.  A lot of EDM but it all really fits together.  As weird and not great as this movie was, you can't say that it wasn't well made at the very least.

*Is fingering and making out with a corpse considered rape?  If so, yet another rape in a Keanu movie.  I guess there's also the sexual assault we hear but don't see.  We also don't know if that assault is perpetrated by Keanu or not, but I think it's safe to say it is.  Goddammit Keanu!

Box Office Information: $1.3 Million Domestic/$2.2 Million international for $3.5 Million worldwide.  Not a major release so these numbers don't really mean a lot to me.  

Rotten Tomatoes: 59% Critics/51% Audience.  These numbers feel very right especially since I'm guessing this movie was just a tad bit controversial.

IMDB: 6.2

My Movie Rating: 5/10.  I think I'm giving this an extra point or two for the look of the movie more than anything else because I probably wouldn't recommend this to anyone.

Keanu Rating: Yeah, this is a little tough because Keanu is really only in three scenes.  But he's so good!  Not quite as evil as his character from "The Gift" but still a genuinely scary fucking asshole.  9/10.

Up Next: "The Bad Batch" - I feel like I saw a trailer for this one at some point but couldn't tell you what it is or what it's about.  I just hope Keanu is more prominently featured.