DESTINATION WEDDING (2018) - Frank
Here we go, yet another recent Keanu movie that I had not heard of and knew nothing about going in, but from the cover art and the title of the movie it sure sounded like a romantic comedy to me and that's exactly what I got....sort of. I actually had moderately high hopes for this one since it featured Keanu co-starring along with one of his long time friends and frequent performer in this project, Winona Ryder. Unlike the last movie I watched, I was pretty sure these two have great on-screen chemistry, due to the fact that they've been friends since the 80's so at worst I would be treated to 90 minutes of the two of them sharing a screen together.
What I got was about 90 minutes of a VERY dialogue heavy and extremely overwritten movie that did have a handful of funny moments, but the funny moments didn't outweigh how tedious this thing started feeling after about 40 minutes.
The movie itself felt more like a David Mamet play turned film and I do not mean that as a compliment. Neither Keanu nor Winona feel like actual real human beings, each one deeply flawed (that's not the unbelievable part): narcissistic, dour, pessimistic, depressed. Hey, sounds a little like me.
The biggest problem is that neither one of them talks like an actual real human being. I'm unfamiliar with the writer/director Victor Levin, although he's done a lot of work in film and TV (most of which I haven't seen), so it's not like this was done by some unknown hack. Let me just give you a quick example:
At the start of the movie, two strangers meet each other at the airport (this is before they know they are both attending the same DESTINATION WEDDING), and after a very brief exchange of pleasantries they quickly realize they hate each other. Keanu, subtly attempting to board the plane in front of Winona, takes a step in front of her, which she calls out. He then says, "And now you're casting me as the author of a Byzantine conspiracy theory of a Machiavellian landgrab designed to usurp your position on an aircraft that has eight seats."
THIS. IS. NOT. HOW. HUMAN. BEINGS. SPEAK.
Yes, we learn that both Keanu and Winona are educated with seemingly important professions (Keanu the "head of marketing" at JD Power) and Winona an attorney but I do not care because people do not talk this way.
Anyway, I know some of my recent posts have been bordering on absurd lengths so I'm going to keep this one brief, which should be easy since this is not a complicated story:
As mentioned, the movie opens with Frank (Keanu) and Lindsay (Winona) meeting at the airport on the way to a DESTINATION WEDDING in San Luis Obispo, California. They immediately hate each other and begin to bicker as soon as board their very small flight. The bickering continues, and continues, and continues throughout the first half of the movie.
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| You sure have a lot of baggage |
They reach their destination and check into their hotel, where they have adjoining rooms (of course). We learn that the groom is Keanu's half-brother and Winona is the groom's ex-fiance (from six years ago) and she is DEFINITELY NOT over the relationship. They attend the rehearsal dinner and learn more about each other through more arguing and bickering and they're basically both the worst people alive. The dialogue is fast and heavy and again, not how people, let alone strangers, talk to one another.
I should mention at this point that not another single character in this movie has a speaking role. This is part of why I feel like this movie feels like a theatrical play than anything else.
Winona is like, do you think anyone will notice if I leave and he says no and she rolls out, giving him the finger on the way. The next day we're treated to a somewhat amusing title card (there are a few of these over the course of the movie):
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| Accurate |
Winona and Keanu share a foot massage together, him mentioning that this is the last thing he'd want to be doing but he's also super cheap and unwilling to turn down anything he receives for free. She also continues to talk about how she's not over the groom even though he's a total asshole and completely sucks. More bickering ensues.
Then they head to a winery and finally agree on something: destination weddings are pretentious and stupid and it's fucked up to force your friends and family to spend a shitload of money and use their entire weekend just for you. Hey, something I agree with!
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| Drinking |
Next up it's the actual wedding! They are seated at a table together and agree that neither of them wants to dance, so instead they take a walk and run into a goddamn mountain lion. This scene is actually relatively funny as they argue about what kind of wild cat is about to kill them (is it a panther? a cougar?) before Keanu ends it by saying "what the fuck difference does it make, it's a goddamn predator cat."
Winona gets upset and says something like "I can't believe you're the last person I'm going to talk to before I die," and Keanu gets off another funny line by replying "Well, there might be EMT's." Keanu actually scares the cat off by hissing at it, then they run away and fall down a hill before they both decide that after all this bickering and near death experience they might as well bang one out.
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| More amusing if they had been mauled |
So they have sex on the hill in a very long sequence that, as you might have guessed by now, is CHOCK FULL of the two of them talking/bickering with each other.
They leave the wedding and head back to the hotel and hang out in Keanu's room, finally opening up to each other a bit about what they find attractive about the other and this entire sequence is ridiculous just in the way they talk to one another. Winona alludes to their relationship continuing beyond the DESTINATION WEDDING and Keanu basically tells her that she's delusional and that the two of them are too fucked up as individuals to ever be able to make it together. They spend the evening chatting in bed, eventually falling asleep together.
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| Sexy pajamas - Keanu says even Superman couldn't see through them |
They head to the farewell brunch and leave without saying goodbye to anyone (because this would require someone else in this movie to speak for the first time) and then get on the plane to head home. Keanu puts her in a taxi (where he learns her full address) and he goes back to his home where he yells at the people on his television (a running joke). Winona also heads home and all of a sudden there's a knock on the door and duh, it's Keanu, who shrugs and the movie ends.
Okay, some side notes:
*One thing I DID like about their sex on the hill sequence is that before they have sex they actually do have a conversation about protection, something that NEVER EVER EVER EVER happens in movies. Everyone in movies always just fuck as if there aren't a plethora of problems that come with having sex with strangers. Of course, neither of them were expecting this to happen at this DESTINATION WEDDING so they throw caution to the wind and do it anyway. Winona is like "I think my womb is hostile" is also a bit of a funny line.
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| Essentially five minutes of this, but with bickering |
*There ARE funny moments and lines in this movie! The problem is that they are all overshadowed by the constant bickering, the fact that these two people talk like people in a movie, and that they are both wholly unlikable characters.
*I do wonder if Keanu and Winona ever dated in real life, unlike the previous movie the two of them DO have really good on-screen chemistry even if they're also both insufferable in this movie.
*Winona looks GREAT in this and Keanu Reeves looks like a goddamn boss in a suit.
Box Office Information: $1.6M on an unknown budget, another super limited release
Rotten Tomatoes: 51% Critic/58% Audience. Looks about right.
IMDB: 6.0
My Movie Rating: 4.5/10. As I've said, the movie does have its funny moments but it's just so goddamn talky and full of nonsensical dialogue. I didn't hate it but it also felt much longer than the 90 minute run time.
Keanu Rating: 7/10. He plays a pretty unlikable person and he speaks in rapid fire bullshit throughout.
Up Next: A movie I've been excited about since I started this project because of how bad it supposedly is, it's "Replicas"!
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