The Keanu Reeves Project - Generation Um...

GENERATION UM...(2012) - John Wall

Jesus Fucking Christ.

I'm so mad that I just sat through this movie.  Thankfully, a few years ago I installed a video speed controller plug-in on my computer that allows me to watch most things at whatever speed I want.  I frequently find myself watching TV shows at 1.5 speed for a variety of reasons I won't get into here.  I started "Generation Um..." at regular speed but quickly found myself increasing it and increasing it and increasing it and by the time I got the the final 20 minutes I was up to 2.5x.  Thanks Video Speed Controller - without you I'm pretty sure I'd have slit my wrists around the 35 minute mark.  

What is there to even say about this wretched movie?  Here's where I would write my warning about spoilers except it's hard to spoil a movie that has no plot, no character development, and where absolutely nothing happens.  Aside from what I guess is a "reveal" at the very end of the "movie" there is nothing to spoil here.

I've probably mentioned before on this blog that I enjoy watching bad movies.  But there is a major difference between "good bad" and "bad bad."  It's why as part of this project I thoroughly enjoyed "Johnny Mnemonic."  That movie was atrocious but so comically bad that it was a very fun viewing and I'd rather watch Johnny Mnemonic on a loop for a month straight than ever have to sit through "Generation Um..." again, even if the whole thing was at 3x speed.  

"Generation Um..." unlike Johnny Mnemonic or even the other bad movies I've watched so far for this project....there's just nothing redeeming about this whatsoever and this post is probably going to be pretty short because I'm simply at a loss on what to say about this.  

One might say that this is a "character study" but I've often found that when a movie is described that way it's another way of just saying "this movie has no plot and nothing happens."  However, a character study can also be meaningful, have a message, show growth, do something.  "Generation Um..." does none of these things except bore you with incredibly slow pacing and annoy the shit out of you with dialogue that has nothing to do with anything.  You might also say that this is a "day in the life" type of movie, but even in movies like that things happen.  At one point early in the movie Keanu mentions that he has "a lot to do today."  This is a lie.

So, as I said above, spoilers ahead?

So Keanu Reeves plays John and when we meet him he's driving around two young women named Violet and Mia and they...are...annoying.  We're unclear about the nature of everyone's relationship but Keanu drops them off and heads to his shitty apartment in New York that he's apparently sharing with his runaway cousin.  Please don't confuse this with a plot device because we don't see his cousin again until the very end of the movie and this relationship, like all the others in this, doesn't matter nor advance anything.

Driving across a bridge to nowhere

Then nothing happens for about 30 minutes.  No, really.  The girls are in their own apartment drinking and doing drugs and having meaningless conversations about nothing.  Meanwhile Keanu opens the mail and gets a $75 check for his birthday from his mother for "medication" and then he wanders around New York doing nothing....he goes to a diner and meets a guy there and then he walks around.  Then he continues to walk around.  We, the ostensibly paying movie audience are treated to a five minute shot of Keanu eating a muffin...in real time...

Look, I'm now at my 45th Keanu Reeves movie, I would watch the guy do nearly anything on film (no sex jokes please) but watching him eat a muffin for five minutes isn't exactly enthralling cinema.  

I've yet to mention that this entire movie looks like a student film.  A poor student film.  Like a failing grade student film.  That is to say it looks like shit.  The way it looks reminds me a little bit of "Kids" or something along those lines and while I am assuming it was supposed to be "artsy" it's more just sad looking.  And ugly.  The whole movie is ugly.  And bad.  Have I mentioned this sucks?

Keanu eventually finds his way to a park where a bunch of people are hula hooping in what I'm guessing is some sort of flash mob, but while one of the videographers isn't looking, Keanu picks up and steals his camera and runs away.  This is about 40 minutes in and it's the single most significant thing that has happened so far and will happen for the duration of the "movie."

Next we're treated to Keanu wandering around New York except now instead of the shitty cinematography we've already been watching for 40 minutes we're given shaky cam documentary footage that Keanu is taking.  He films some squirrels and we watch the squirrels.  He goes to a dog park and films some dogs and we watch the dogs.  He goes to the girls apartment and starts filming them talk about nothing interesting.  One of the girls uses the bathroom and Keanu films it and we watch that for a minute.  

At this point blood started dripping out of my eyes.  Let this end.  

And then, in the single biggest moment of unintentional irony in the entire "movie" Keanu tells one of the girls (I don't remember which one because they are indistinguishable from one another and seriously who could care) "Hey, maybe try to say something interesting."

Hey, try to do or say ANYTHING interesting

There's a part of me that wants to believe that this "movie" had no script and this was legitimately Keanu Reeves improvising because of how bored he was.  Yes, maybe anyone in "Generation Um...." could have attempted to say or do anything interesting.  Maybe the writer/director could have even thought about writing something interesting into the script!  No, too much to ask here.

At some point there's a flashback to the night before of the three of them at a bar where either Mia or Violet blows him in the bathroom and even that isn't interesting. 

Nothing continues to happen for the next 30 or so minutes other than the three of them sitting around talking about nothing interesting in the apartment.  By this time I had already cranked the speed up to 1.7.

Finally, Keanu drives the two women to a hotel for a party they were invited to where we learn the big "reveal" that the two girls are prostitutes and Keanu is really just their driver.  I wish the fact that they were sex workers was some sort of profound statement or anything leading up to this would have given me the viewer some sort of message or clarity about something.  But, no.  It's just one more meaningless scene in a movie made by masochists whose sole goal appeared to be wasting everyone's time.

Surprise prostitutes are the best kind of prostitutes

Keanu then drives them back to his apartment to eat and just when I thought this "movie" was mercifully over and the credits start to roll, there's an entire scene over the credits where all the characters....have yet another nothing conversation about nothing except this time with Keanu's cousin in tow.  

This.  "Movie."  Is.  Dreadful.

This thing was two hours long (that I thankfully watched in far less time) but still felt like an eternity.

Curious what others thought of this monstrosity of film I went on IMDB and found a handful of positive user reviews.  Sorry IMDB users, there is nothing profound or interesting about this movie.  On the one hand, I think the writer/director (who has gone on to do nothing I can see) might have been trying to make an art house piece of cinema but on the other hand I think he was far too incompetent to do anything of the sort and this piece of garbage was the result.

For the life of me I don't know how Keanu got roped into this.  Did he lose a bet?  Was he being blackmailed?  I find it impossible that someone put this script in front of him and he was like "perfect!"

On the other hand, you may recall that Keanu supposedly made $250 million for his work in the "Matrix" sequels so he's certainly able to take on "risky" projects and do whatever the hell he wants.  Even so, I can't see how anyone advising him took at look at this script and the people making this movie and said "go for it!"

Not only is "Generation Um..." one of the worst movies of this project but it's also one of the worst movies I've ever seen, period.  It's making me want to rethink how I've been grading all the other movies in this project.  

Oh, and I haven't even mentioned the editing.  Because this movie slowly finds itself transforming into a pseudo-documentary being filmed by Keanu there are a lot of very fast edits and cuts, literally when some of the characters are in the middle of a sentence it will just cut to a different conversation in the same apartment.  I mean, it's not like they are ever saying anything interesting anyway but still, like, let the girl finish a sentence.

Fuck I hate this movie with every fiber of my being.

I don't have a lot of them but here are just a few scattered thoughts:

*Another movie where Keanu is named John.  I'm not sure if this is supposed to be an inside joke or something since we learn his two female friends are hookers.  But his full name is John Wall and that gave me a small chuckle if only because he's easily my second favorite John Wall.

A much more entertaining John Wall

*This is the 3rd recent movie where Keanu interacts with a cat.  It only lasts for about 15 seconds but it's probably the best part of the "movie."

*You don't see a lot of movies with an ellipses in the title.  I tend to overuse ellipses in my writing "style" and this movie is making me want to rethink that.  And what I'm doing with my life.

*Just one interesting tidbit to note from this waste of two hours - several years ago you might have caught a picture of Keanu Reeves and how he "stole a camera from the paparazzi," which was of course false because Keanu is an awesome dude who wouldn't do something so childish.  That picture was actually just a still from this abysmal "movie."

Keanu Reeves actively NOT stealing a real camera

*I also think this was around the time the "sad Keanu" meme was going around.  He was probably sad after having just spent a day filming this.

Box Office Information: This is the first movie since the start of this project that has no box office information available.  I'm not even sure it was released in theaters.  Let's go ahead and assume that this movie lost money, but probably not too much because it couldn't have cost more than $50,000 to make.

Rotten Tomatoes: 0% Critic (only 15 reviews)/22% audience.  That audience score is far too high.

IMDB: 4.0

My Movie Rating: This made me long for the days of "Sweet November," a movie I rated as a 2.5.  That's how bad this is.  So this gets a shockingly bad 1/10.  I fail to believe I will watch another movie in this project that will be as mind numbingly bad as "Generation Um..."

Keanu Rating: Okay, this is going to be a little weird but I'm going to give him a 5/10.  Once again, he's just given so little to work with but I think he makes the best with what he's got.  I've probably said that a dozen times by now.

Up Next: It's Keanu's directorial debut, "The Man of Tai Chi."  I saw this one shortly after it became available on Netflix though I barely remember the details.  I'm pretty sure there's a lot of martial arts and that it's better than average.