The Keanu Reeves Project: Under the Influence

UNDER THE INFLUENCE (TV Movie, 1986) - Eddie Talbot

I think I've only got one more TV movie to go before Keanu started to truly lead movies and the penultimate one was Under the Influence, a TV movie staring Andy Griffith and an ensemble cast that aired on CBS in 1986.

When I was growing up, I absolutely loved cheesy TV movies, mainly to make fun of them and not to learn any valuable lessons.  Many years later I made some friends who had also done the same thing, and we even started a podcast to talk about these awful 90s "Lifetime Movies" (because even if they didn't originally air on Lifetime, they eventually found their way there).  You can even listen to it if you're in quarantine and are really, really, really bored/love old Lifetime movies.  It's on the very well known, most notable podcasting platform, Youtube, where we have 42, count them, 42 subscribers.  

So when I watch an old "Lifetime" movie from the 80's but usually the 90's I'm generally expecting a good laugh.  You know, like when Tori Spelling gains magic Aquaman powers to escape her stalker, or when Tiffany Amber Thiesen's ghost friend possesses a horse in order to stomp the main antagonist to death, or when Yasmine Bleeth discovers that her amnesia accidentally caused her to murder her twin sister.  And I only made up of those three things.  

I was expecting more of the same when I loaded up "Under the Influence" on Youtube, and I have to honestly say, I was incredibly surprised.  "Under the Influence" ended up being a pretty powerful if a little too on the nose movie about an alcoholic and the impact it has on his immediate family.

Andy Griffith plays Noah Talbot, the patriarch of the very diverse Talbot family.  The movie opens with about all we really need to know about Talbot - he's a raging alcoholic who finds himself in the drunk tank, yet again.  As usual, his son Eddie (Keanu Reeves) has to pick him up from the police station but placates his father on the ride home by offering a bottle of liquor he has stashed under the passenger's seat, something Eddie has clearly done at least a few times before.  

Very awkward ride home

The rest of the movie is basically all about how Noah's alcoholism is affecting the rest of his family:

*His oldest son Steve has fled to Los Angeles to try to make it as a stand-up comedian, leveraging his father's alcoholism as bits for his act.  Steve, to note, is played by real stand-up comedian Paul Provenza who later went on to direct one of the funniest documentaries ever made, The Aristocrats.  

*His oldest daughter Ann is constantly trying to get him to pay attention to her, which has led to the downfall of her marriage and eventually her intentionally overdosing on pills.  

*His youngest son Eddie has never received his father's approval, causing him to enable Noah's drinking.  Eddie begins developing his own drinking problems as well, drinking often in inappropriate places, like while working at the hardware store Noah owns.

*His youngest daughter Terri, who is a talented artist but also takes sole responsibility for looking after her father.  After school she mixes dyes into water so she can dump out some of her dad's liquor and refill it without him noticing.  

Eventually, Noah drinks too much and collapses at church while passing out the collection plate.  He winds up in the hospital where the doctor, who is basically a full-on walking and talking PSA and sometimes advertisement for AA, forces the family to confront Noah's alcoholism.

After some more exposition about how Noah's alcohol abuse has basically destroyed the family, Eddie arrives to visit his father.  Noah, good ol' drunk as always, asks Eddie to bring him some booze.  Eddie eventually complies, but accidentally drops the bottle of liquor he brought when a nurse walks in on him.  

Just a slight case of COVID19

Shortly thereafter, Noah escapes the hospital and winds up at his hardware store where Noah discovers him face down on the table, having drank himself to death.

As if this isn't a bummer enough, after the funeral Eddie sits outside by himself, gun on his lap, contemplating killing himself.  If he'd only given his father the booze, he wouldn't have escaped the hospital and drank himself to death.

Guns.  Lots of guns.

Confronted by his older brother Steve, Eddie takes off in the car while Steve gives chase.  I was literally holding my breath during this sequence, if this movie ended in Keanu's suicide in.a made for TV movie, well I just wasn't prepared for that.  A shot goes off off-screen...

1986 John Wick

Thankfully, he doesn't kill himself but instead shoots the ground at his father's grave.  

The other aspect that I thought was cheesy at first was the intercut scenes of Steve performing stand-up comedy in LA.  It had an incredibly similar tone to an early years Seinfeld episode and I sit here wondering now if Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David weren't at least in part inspired by "Under the Influence."

What's the deal with fathers who drink too much?

BEST PART: An actual believable story with characters who actually make sense, even if this was made for TV.

WORST PART: The doctor talking about AA, it's just a bit too on the nose.  

Box Office Mojo information:  N/A, TV movie

Rotten Tomatoes: N/A

IMDB: 6.5

My Movie Rating: 7/10, but please note, that's on a TV movie rating scale.  Look, the movie is a little bit too on message for its duration and in many parts plays out like a 90 minute long PSA about alcohol abuse.  That said, for a TV movie, it's finely acted and despite it's sometime too over-the-top messaging, was definitely worth the watch and I'm not mad I gave it 90 minutes of my time which I'd otherwise be using to watch a different Keanu Reeves movie.  

Keanu Rating: 7/10.  Keanu actually gives a pretty strong performance in this one as Eddie.  He didn't win any awards for this or anything, but this is a movie I'd show people who think that the man is a bad actor.  

Up next - Ugh, I'm not looking forward to this one, it's the 1986 made for TV movie, "Babes in Toyland," starring Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves, and Mr. Miyagi himself, Pat Morita.  

The Keanu Reeves Project: River's Edge

RIVER'S EDGE (Movie, 1986) - Matt

I just want to start off by saying that I'm very thankful I wasn't a teenager in the 80's.  The fashion was terrible.  The music was terrible.  Crime rates were rampant.  Ronald Reagan was president.  Actually, strike that last one, Reagan being president now would be an improvement, and I'm talking about his literally lifeless bones.

River's Edge, released in early 1997 to theaters (but listed on IMDB as 1986 because some of Keanu's earlier works seem to be a little out of order) encompassed everything wrong with the 80's, but most specifically the absolute apathy of growing up in a bumfuck town with nowhere to go and nothing to do.

I'd heard of this one before sitting down to watch it the other night but knew nothing about it so I did a little bit of research both before and after my viewing.  River's Edge was actually very loosely based on a murder in 1981 where the killer, the victim's teenage boyfriend, apparently took about a dozen of his friends to see the corpse within days of killing her.  Nobody said anything, nobody reported it to the cops, apparently they just didn't care.

And that's basically the premise of River's Edge.

The movie stars Keanu Reeves and Crispin Glover, along with major performances by Dennis Hopper and Joshua John Miller.

"Wait," you're probably asking yourself, "Who the fuck is Joshua John Miller?"

He's this guy, the incredible weirdo younger brother in the 1989 classic, "Teen Witch" who apparently grew up to become a member of Leonardo Dicaprio's clique, the Pussy Posse.

So, a quick summary of River's Edge:

The movie opens with teenage burnout loser Samson sitting over the body of his dead girlfriend who he strangled to death along the edge of the river.  The reason he's killed her?  Apparently she said something derogatory about his dead mother.  

Samson proceeds to bring a number of his friends to see the dead body, including Matt (Keanu Reeves), Layne (Crispin Glover) and a number of others.  Due to boredom, apathy or something else, nobody seems to be too affected at all by this, including the dead girl's best friends, who Samson also brings along.

In fact, the only person who seems to care at all is Layne who wants to do whatever he can to protect Samson from getting into trouble for the murder.  So Layne decides to hide Samson at the house of the local shut-in/drug dealer/weirdo Feck, played by Dennis Hopper.  Feck is a strange guy in that he apparently never leaves his house because he too once killed his girlfriend and is apparently a fugitive from the law, although it's never really explained.

There are two other weird tidbits about Feck.  First, he's the world's nicest drug dealer.  Local high school kids apparently go to his house and he just gives away weed for free.  Second, he keeps a blowup doll with him at all times because apparently, it's the only "human" interaction he ever gets.  Okay, sure.

Tim and Samson go for a drive.  Please note Tim's sweet dangly sword earring.

The movie takes place over the course of a day or a few days, it's a bit hard to tell, but eventually Samson tells his entire group of friends about what he's done and instead of you know, doing anything about it, they mostly sit around getting stoned and hanging out at the arcade.

The kid on the far right is wearing a shirt that says, "Fuck the Redskins," who were actually a relevant professional football team in 1986.  Not so much now.  

Eventually, Keanu Reeves starts feeling guilty and goes to the cops to "narc" on Samson.  Samson has spends his evening hanging out with Feck, eventually telling Feck about his reasons, or lack thereof, for the murder and then Feck kills Samson (off-screen) because he realizes Samson is a bit of a monster, or something like that.  There's a also a subplot where Keanu's younger brother is running around town with his little hoodlum friend, causing trouble and planning to kill Keanu even though that never actually materializes.  

And that's basically the movie.  Noted weirdo Crispin Glover's performance is certainly something in this as seen in this short clip:

I read a handful of user reviews after watching this to see if I could figure out why this movie is apparently a cult favorite.  I guess it's supposed to sum up the apathy of disaffected teenagers and sure, it does that, but not in a completely believable way.  The movie reminded me a bit of the extremely uncomfortable and terrible 2001 movie, Bully, in which a group of loser teenagers also kill one of their friends and do an abysmal job of covering up the murder.  

Anyway, that's River's Edge.

Matt and Layne driving around.  Approximately 50% of this movie is Crispin Glover driving around.

BEST PART: I don't know.  Realizing Richie from "Teen Witch" was in this?

WORST PART: Tough call, but I'm going to go with all the scenes with Dennis Hopper and a blow-up doll.  No, wait, every scene with Crispin Glover doing....whatever it is he's doing in this.

Box Office Mojo information:  $1.7 Million budget, $4.6 Million Domestic, widest release - 3 Theaters.  

Rotten Tomatoes: 87% Critic, 76% Audience 

IMDB: 7.0

My Movie Rating: 4/10.  Maybe you needed to be a teenager in the 80's to really get this one.  For me, there is nothing at all special about this and I will never watch this again.  

Keanu Rating: 5/10.  Keanu once again plays a bit of a degenerate with a conscience as it seems like he's being typecast a bit in his early career.  But hey, a job is a job and this was his first actual American full-length movie (albeit independent and very low budget).  He's not good, he's not bad, he's just sort of there.  

Up next - My slog through the mid 80's continues with yet another TV movie, Under the Influence.  I really can't wait until I get to the end of the decade...

The Keanu Reeves Project: Brotherhood of Justice

BROTHERHOOD OF JUSTICE (TV Movie, 1986) - Derek

It's 1986 and the crime rate in the United States is through the roof.  High school kids are smoking weed and angel dust at an alarming rate (side note - when did we stop calling PCP "angel dust?"  It just sounds so much cooler.  Maybe that was the problem).  

Brotherhood of Justice was a 1986 TV movie based on a true story about a group of about a dozen affluent high school kids in Fort Worth, Texas, who after seeing a flurrly of drug abuse and vandalism in their school, decided to take things into their own hands.  They called themselves the Legion of Doom, but in reality sounded like a bunch of pathetic, entitled, white kids.  Their 'protection' apparently spiraled out control as they began committing more and more criminal acts that eventually led to their arrests.  There was even a Rolling Stone article about them.

In the movie, Brotherhood of Justice, Keanu Reeves plays Derek, the leader of the newly formed Brotherhood of Justice.  I guess they couldn't use Legion of Doom for legal reasons, and they also moved the setting from Fort Worth to Santa Lucia, California.  

This town is only big enough for one Legion of Doom

As far as TV movies go, Brotherhood of Justice isn't the worst I've ever seen.  Aside from Keanu Reeves, the movie also stars Kiefer Sutherland, Billy Zane, and noted fraudster and future felon, Lori Loughlin.  By the way, why didn't Aunt Becky just do what all rich people do and give a large "donation" to USC so her stupid fucking daughter could get in?  Like come on Aunt Becky.

The movie starts off with the principal of Santa Lucia high school trying to find a way to deal with the crime problems at the school, and holds an assembly where he gives a speech that a bunch of the students interpret as him asking them to commit vigilante justice.  So Keanu and his crew form the Brotherhood of Justice, initially targeting drug dealers and other troublemakers at the school.  It starts with trashing a party that one of them is having at his house but eventually leads to a stabbing and the attempted pipe bombing of Kiefer Sutherland's car.  Lori Loughlin plays Keanu's girlfriend and she works as both a gas station attendant as well as a waitress at the local pizza place.  If only she'd put this much effort into her daughter's education instead of rampant fraud maybe she wouldn't be going to prison (just kidding, she's rich, she's not going to prison).  

Not yet Aunt Becky or inmate #259870

Billy Zane is one of Keanu's buddies in the Brotherhood of Justice and Kiefer Sutherland is Keanu's rival of sorts, as he's sort of an outcast who eventually becomes a target of the Brotherhood when he starts making eyes at Lori Loughlin (he's unaware of her real life criminal future).

Put a cork in it, Zane!

There are a handful of weird similarities to Point Break as well, a movie I can't wait to get to for this project.  Keanu is a football player who finds himself mixed up with the wrong people and there's even an Ex-President's sighting when they trash a party.

Richard Nixon, not yet robbing banks

Eventually, the Brotherhood's antics get to be even too much for Keanu and he decides to call it quits, saving Kiefer Sutherland's car and possibly his life in the process when he finds out that BIlly Zane has rigged his car with a pipe bomb towards the end of the movie.  Keanu goes to the police and turns himself in along with the rest of the gang.

Two future megastars and one future felon

Throw in a little big of drug abuse, racism towards the Mexican kids at the school, underage drinking and you've got yourself a not too terrible 80's TV movie.

BEST PART: Kiefer Sutherland's sweet, sweet car.  

WORST PART: Not using the "gang's" original moniker, the Legion of Doom.

Box Office Mojo information:  N/A, this was made for TV.  

Rotten Tomatoes: 38% audience rating.

IMDB: 5.5

My Movie Rating: 4/10.  As far as TV movies go, it's not terrible, but we don't really learn what happened to the Brotherhood of Justice after the arrests.  Did they make it to college?  Did they become FBI agents?  We may never know.  

Keanu Rating: 6/10.  He's really not bad in this as he wrestles with the peer pressure to keep leading the Brotherhood versus quitting the gang.  He's still a long way from John Wick though.  

Up next - what I think was an actual, real, motion picture released in the United States, River's Edge.  

The Keanu Reeves Project: Flying

FLYING (Movie, 1986) - Tommy

Wahoo, I've finally gotten to Keanu Reeves' first full-length movie, a Canadian film called "Flying," or...perhaps it was called "Teenage Dream," or possibly even "Dream to Believe."  A movie so bad it has three different titles!

On Keanu's official IMDB page, the movie is called "Flying," but the movie page lists "Dream to Believe" as an alternate title, but yet the cover art shows that it's called "Teenage Dream."  I mean, what the fuck is going on here?

"Flying," or "Teenage Dream," or "Dream to Believe" was, can you even believe it, a Canadian film starring Olivia D'Abo as Robin, a high school gymnast at a new school, trying to recover from a car accident that killed her father and left her knee injured.  While Keanu Reeves certainly is prominent in this movie, the cover art above is downright confusing.  Olivia D'Abo is unquestionably the star of the movie and Keanu is in a supporting role yet he's apparently taking up 80% of the cover art.  I know Keanu is good looking, but D'Abo wasn't so bad herself so this cover art is just strange, not to mention that it's got the weird, alternate third title.

I couldn't find any record of this movie on Box Office Mojo, so I don't know if it was actually released in theaters anywhere in the world and by that I mean Canada, which really might have been for the best.

"Flying" plays out like a relatively cliche 80s high school movie about a kid trying to overcome some odds to win the big game - in this case, a regional gymnastics meet in Niagara Falls.  It's got just about everything you'd expect from a movie in this genre including multiple training montages, the mean kids at school who bully Robin relentlessly, and a dreamy love interest - Keanu Reeves as Tommy.

There are also some very weird choices that are shown and then just sort of glossed over.  For instance, about halfway through the movie, Robin's mother suddenly dies and we're never told how it happened.  She just gets a phone call (while she's at a concert) that her mother is in the hospital and then the next scene Robin's at a funeral.  It's downright bizarre.  There's also another scene where her best friend on the gymnastics team is caught abusing diet pills and then that's also just never mentioned again.  What are you trying to tell me, Flying/Dream To Believe/Teenage Dream?  WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?  

Robin's reaction to her mother's sudden death is to go shack up with Tommy, whose parents are apparently out of town, and then we get a very odd montage of Tommy and Robin's weekend together where apparently he takes her to Plow Town on multiple occasions and serves her breakfast in bed.  It's all just really weird.

What the fuck is this?

One other interesting tidbit - the actor who played Keanu's asshole landlord in the TV short "One Step Away" from my previous post is also in this movie as Robin's abusive employer/step-father.  I guess there aren't that many actors in Canada.  

There are some other problematic aspects of this movie:

*The jive talking black characters - the security guard who lets Robin practice gymnastics late at night at the factory he watches over (he is a huge fan that likes to dance along as she practices a floor routine amongst random machinery) and his friend, the only other black person in the movie who happens to be Robin's bus driver because why wouldn't the only two black people in Canada be friends with each other?  

No, what the fuck is this?

*The over sexualization of what I'm assuming is supposed to be a 16 or 17 year old girl - some of her training montages are....well....see for yourself.

Jesus Christ, what the fuck is this??

Okay, it might be hard to see this exactly, but this was a crotch shot of her doing some strength training that if I didn't know any better I'd think came from a Cinemax movie at 1AM.  

*Whatever the fuck this lady is - 

OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?

I don't know if this hairstyle was a choice or perhaps if it was the style in 1986 in Canada or if she got this done to herself on a dare.  It might be the single worst haircut in Canadian movie history.

Anyway, Robin eventually trains her way to Niagara Falls and wins the guy and wins the competition, the end.  

If you're into gymnastics in the 80's you can do yourself a favor and skip this one and go straight onto "Gymkata."

BEST PART: The gymnastic team coach's hair.  Easily.

WORST PART: Hmm, the over sexualization of underage girls?  The constant training montages?  The troubling representation of the only two black characters?  Take your pick.

Box Office Mojo information:  None.  As far as BOM is concerned, this movie doesn't exist and I'm guessing Keanu is a-ok with that.

Rotten Tomatoes: No Ratings

IMDB: 5.2

My Movie Rating: 3/10.  It's definitely the worst gymnastics movie I've ever seen but not the worst 80's sports movie.  

Keanu Rating: 5/10.  He doesn't have a whole lot to work with here but he definitely comes off as likable.

Up next - the 1986 TV Movie, "Brotherhood of Justice" starring Keanu Reeves, Kiefer Sutherland, and noted fraudster Lori Loughlin.  Wow, I'm excited!  

The Keanu Reeves Project: The Early Years

The early years of this project may prove to be difficult.  According to IMDB, Keanu made a small handful of appearances in TV shows, TV movies, and other video shorts.  I will do my best here.

HANGIN' IN (TV Series, 1984) - Teen Client

Okay, I literally have never heard of this show and have no idea what it is but I did find the clip that Keanu Reeves is in on Youtube.

This is about as 80's looking as it can get and I have absolutely no idea what is happening in this clip of an obscure Canadian TV show that ran for seven years.  I can only assume by his credit of "teen client" that this was the only part on the show he ever appeared in and I have to be honest, he's actually pretty funny in this even if it seems he's actually playing the character, Keanu Reeves.

TV Show Rating: Not enough info to judge.
Keanu Rating: 8/10, I laughed at one of his two lines.  A raw, undiscovered talent to be sure.

COCA-COLA: COKE IS IT! (Commercial, 1984) - Biker

Well it looks like I'm already breaking my rules now that I'm apparently reviewing goddamn TV commercials.  I don't know why I was surprised to learn that this is also available on Youtube.  Goddamn, what a time to be alive, coronavirus and all.

You know what I bet everyone wants after a long, competitive bike ride?  A Coke!  This reminds me of when they released that absolutely foul alcoholic beverage known as Michelob Ultra and the original marketings was that this was somehow the favorite beer of athletes.  If you drink Michelob Ultra, you're not an athlete and you might want to consider killing yourself.

Anyway, this Coke commercial isn't half bad, and I really love the last line where Keanu says, "My Dad!"  This is of course, a bit ironic as not only did Keanu's real dad not teach him how to ride a bike, but he hasn't been in Keanu's life since Keanu was about six years old.  Sad.

Commercial Rating: 9/10, would watch again.

Keanu Rating: 9/10 - totally believable performance.  Way to go, Keanu.

NIGHT HEAT (TV Series, 1985) - Thug #2

Ah, how could any of us forget Keanu Reeves' unforgettable performance of Thug #2 in the 1985 episode of Night Heat?

Amazingly, this is ALSO available on Youtube, and despite watching the entire episode (in 5x speed), I somehow must have missed his performance.  I think that must have been him in the opening sequence attempting to rob and rape an innocent woman in her car but the video quality is so shitty and I don't think he has any lines either.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2816&v=lzWyfcXMz8s&feature=emb_logo

I don't know what this show is, I don't know why I'm unable to embed the video, and frankly I don't care and neither do you.  Night Heat was apparently a Canadian crime show that aired for four seasons that I'm sure nobody at all misses or pines over.  We'll be getting a reboot of it within a few years I'm sure.

TV Show Rating: I couldn't tell you, I watched it in 5x speed hoping that Keanu would reappear after the opening sequence with a line or two.  He did not.

Keanu Rating: Not enough information - zero lines as far as I can tell and way too grainy to even get a good view of his facial expressions.

LETTING GO (TV Movie, 1985) - Stereo Teen #1

I don't know what Letting Go is, but based on the short clip that Keanu Reeves is in, I don't really care.  John Ritter apparently plays an electronics store owner or employee and gets really aggravated when Stereo Teen #1 and who I'm assuming is Stereo Teen #2 show up in his store acting all rowdy.  Clearly they don't have the money to afford this very expensive stereo equipment!

Keanu's performance in this scene actually reminded me a lot of his role in Bill and Ted, and he even gets a chance to get in a little air guitar, amazing!

TV Movie Rating: Not enough information to judge.  Even if I could find the whole movie I am not wasting my time as I'm pretty certain the above clip was Keanu's only footage in the movie.

Keanu Rating: 9/10.  I very much believed him as Stereo Teen #1, I only wish I could have gotten to see him throw some John Wick moves at John Ritter.

COMEDY FACTOR (TV Series, 1985) - Crackers

I have no idea what this is or what it refers to.  I cannot find any Keanu Reeves clips from this on Youtube.  However, when I did search for this, I did find the following clip, which is an interview of a very young Keanu Reeves aired on the CBC:

Um, do yourself a favor and watch this clip.  I love everything about this.  I'm not saying that Keanu Reeves was high for most of his earlier years but I don't know any other way to explain this.  With that said, it's impossible to watch this and not absolutely love this guy.

ONE STEP AWAY (Short, 1985) - Ron Petrie

I don't really know what this is either, but it appears to have also aired on the CBC in 1985.  It airs like an after-school special about a troubled youth (Keanu as Ron Petrie) who is trying to change his life around and do the right thing.  Was it actually an after school special?  I have no idea.  The ending is very ambiguous as Keanu agrees to move out of his mother's apartment in order to save her from being evicted by her asshole landlord.  And yes, I watched all 30 minutes of this thing, whatever it is.

TV Short Rating: 4/10.  I'm not entirely sure the point of this.

Keanu Rating: 5/10.  He's not bad, he's not good.  But he is rocking the fuck out of that dangly earring. 

YOUNGBLOOD (Movie, 1986) - Heaver

Youngblood is a hockey movie staring Patrick Swayze and Rob Lowe, two pretty big hitters.  Keanu isn't billed anywhere near the top of this one so I don't feel like dedicating 90 minutes to watching the entire thing.  Do yourself a favor and watch the only clip I could find:

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2m1a40

Movie Rating: Undetermined, but if the rest of the movie is as good as this 3 minute clip, I'm guessing I'm not missing much.

Keanu Rating: 1/10.  Did you watch the clip?  No, did you?  Keanu only has two lines in it and I'm not sure what to make of it.  What is that accent?  Is he French?  French Canadian?  The Swedish Chef?  An alien?  Just because I'm a fan doesn't mean I'm an idiot.  Whatever that was supposed to be was downright dreadful. 

ACT OF VENGEANCE (TV Movie) - Buddy Martin

Keanu is way far down on the billing on this one and despite it starring Charles Bronson AND Wilfred Brimley (AKA the Diabetes guy) I think I'm going to go ahead and say I don't need to watch this thing in its entirety.  I did find the Keanu Reeves clip though!

IMDB lists this as a TV movie but Keanu drops a few F-bombs in this short, 9 minute clip, so I don't think that can be right.  I don't know what this movie is either but Keanu is not a good guy.  In this scene, he breaks into a house along with two other guys (one I don't recognize and the other being the Grits cook in My Cousin Vinny) in an attempt to rob it, but they end up shooting three people while they sleep, including Charles Bronson.  And if there's one thing I know about Charles Bronson, it's that he doesn't take any shit, so I'm guessing he gets his revenge.  It's also called "Act of Vengeance" so, yeah.

Movie Rating: Undetermined.  I don't even know if Keanu has any other scenes, although I'd be willing to bet that Charles Bronson shoots him at some point.

Keanu Rating: 6/10 - He's not bad as a villain in this clip but not particularly scary either, at least until he randomly murders two people for no apparent reason.  

MAGICAL WORLD OF DISNEY - YOUNG AGAIN - (TV Series) - Michael Riley

Okay, I couldn't sit through this.  Partially because the only clip I could find appears to start halfway through this and I have no frame of reference and partially because it seems to really suck.  From what I gather, this is some type of body switching/Freaky Friday/Big situation where a 40 year old Keanu Reeves wishes he was 17 years old again.

The part that really lost me was in the opening monologue where Keanu says that he was the best basketball player in Georgetown history.  Um, it's 1986, have you ever heard of Patrick Ewing? 

TV Show Rating: Couldn't tell you, I only watched two minutes of a 14 minute clip of a 30 minute or 1 hour tv show.

Keanu Rating: 3/10.  Sorry, I just can't get past that Georgetown basketball comment. 

Okay, this seems like a good place to stop.  I've covered the very early Keanu Reeves years, it's a bit of a mixed bag and if I didn't know any better, I couldn't have told you that this guy would end up being a megastar. 

On the next installment of the Keanu Reeves project, I am going to watch Keanu's first starring role in the 1986 movie, Flying.  See you then!

Introducing the Keanu Reeves Movie Project

Oh, hey.  What's new?

Well for me, it's all about the same except, oh, of course, THE WORLD IS INSANE and I'm locked up in my house even more than usual. 

It looks like I haven't written anything here in quite some time, but given my newfound confinement and incredible amount of free time I was thinking that perhaps it's time to find a creative outlet.

Sure, my friend Rocky and I have decided to reboot our AMAZING Lifetime Movie "Podcast" (always available on the noted podcast network we all know and love, Youtube, with new episodes premiering soon), but at most, this will only take up an hour or two here and there before Rocky gets bored with it again and we give up.

So, I need something of my own. 

Unlike many people around the world, I'm actually not that bored just yet, even though it sounds like we might have another two or so months of general isolation before things get back to "normal," whatever that looks like now.  I have plenty of games, movies, and TV shows to occupy my time, especially considering I have what seems to be a never-ending list of things to get through.  I also have more time now than ever to continue my very stupid project of watching 1990s professional wrestling, which is also just so very exciting.

But, if all I do with my free time is catch up on TV shows, movies, old pro wrestling and random video games, I'm worried my brain will absolutely turn to mush.

"Read a book!" one might say to me.  Well, I'm doing that too, sort of.

In any case, I feel like I need a creative outlet, so I took it upon myself to brainstorm a few ideas before settling on one.

Anyone who knows me to nearly any degree is aware of my Keanu Reeves fandom.  Look, I get that it's not original.  In fact, Keanu Reeves absolutely blew up in 2019 as it seemed he was everywhere and society at large finally realized that Keanu Reeves is in fact, amazingly awesome.  A lot of people were slow on this and have only recently jumped on the Keanu Reeves bandwagon.  Maybe it was that video of him stranded on that flight where he helped people get to their final destination, or maybe it was that time he offered his seat on the subway, or his appearance promoting Cyberpunk 2077.  Whatever it was, it seems like nearly everyone all of a sudden loves Keanu Reeves.

And look, that's cool.  I'm not the guy to be mad when everyone starts loving the thing that I like.  I mean, I'm stoked that Keanu Reeves is finally getting his due.  I don't know why it's taken so long, but no matter. 

My Keanu Reeves fandom started back in 1989 after I saw Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for the first time and has been going strong since.  I've probably seen that movie no less than 100 times and even my cats are named Bill and Ted.  Keanu Reeves stars in several of my favorite movies of all time: John Wick, Bill and Ted, Point Break, The Matrix (just the first one), Speed. 

But here's the truth: Keanu Reeves has 106 acting credits on IMDB (not all of these are feature films for the record) and I probably have only seen at most, 25 to 30 of these movies. 

How can I claim to be the huge Keanu Reeves fan that I am and not seen so many of his movies?  Sure, I can tell you about the throw pillows I own with him on them, or the autograph my friend Matt got for me when he met Keanu Reeves at the hotel he worked at (which is framed and one of my prized possessions), or even my Ted Logan action figure.  But what I can't tell you is that I've seen Johnny Mnemonic, Chain Reaction, or Little Buddha. 

So here's the project.  I'm going to watch every single Keanu Reeves movie I can from the start of his career to present day, assuming I can find all of them and write my thoughts on the movies as well as Keanu's performance.  Because he's got 106 acting credits (again, not all of these are feature films), and I don't know if I'll be able to find all of them, I'm going to limit myself to movies where he is no lower than 4th billed.  I'm not for instance, going to try to dig up a full version of the 1986 Patrick Swayze movie, Youngblood, in which I think Keanu is in all of one or two scenes; nor will I be watching Always Be My Maybe for the one scene that he appears in. 

But, for total project completion, I will do my best to at least find clips from the movies where he is not top billed just to get a read on his performance.

I am going to commence this project right now with the goal of wrapping this up by the time self-isolation is over, whenever that is, starting with his earliest appearances in the mid 1980's.

I hope this brings you as much joy as I expect it to bring me.  After all, Keanu Reeves is a national treasure who, while maybe not being the "best" actor in the world (although also not nearly as bad as many people might claim he is) is just a totally awesome dude.

Game of Thrones Stray Thoughts

Well, it’s over.  Here are my observations on the final season, mainly around thematic inconsistencies, letdowns, continuity errors and other.  And maybe even a few stray positive thoughts!  In fact, let’s start there.

THE GOOD:

Okay, it wasn’t entirely terrible and there were a small handful of things I didn’t entirely hate!

*Bronn – I thought he was one of the only consistent characters throughout the final season (perhaps due to his limited screen time).  At the end of the day, the guy is a sellsword who only cares about making money and banging whores.  Maybe that’s why he remained consistent, pretty easy to write.  I also really liked that at the end, he’s the Lord of Highgarden.  I mean, several of the Great Houses are dead, so new houses have to get built somewhere, right?  Without explicitly stating it, I like that we were shown how a new great house can start, in Bronn’s case it was by betting on both sides and managing to survive long enough to collect.  I think House Bronn has a great future ahead of them and although it makes zero sense that he’s the Master of Coin, I don’t even care. 

*Clegane Bowl.  I thought this was a completely fitting ending for both of these characters (including Qyburn getting his face smashed in as an appetizer).  Neither of these guys was going to get a happy ending and them dying together falling hundreds of feet into flames seemed like a good way to go.  Not the best one on one combat the show had, but Sandor Clegane’s story was told and came to a satisfying conclusion. 

*Jon Snow’s ending.  I’m actually pretty okay with this, even though it was rushed (like everything else) and concluded poorly.  I like that he’s banished to the Night’s Watch (much like Maester Aemon before him, also the ‘true heir’, only to desert them to go, presumably, become King Beyond the Wall.  Him killing Dany made sense, even though it was rushed (again) and not particularly well done. 

*Dany’s heel turn.  I guess this is something that an overwhelming number of viewers had a problem with.  Was it done quickly and without much build-up?  Was it executed horrible?  Absolutely.  Had they stretched this out over the course of a season, rather than one glancing look at the Red Keep it would have been much better, but I thought it was well within her character to go that way and murder thousands of innocents.  If it had been built up properly it could have been so much better. 

*Tyrion.  Sure, I have no problems here.  He is the last remaining Lannister (I assume, they seemed to have a shitload of cousins but I guess they’re all dead now too), he’s the Hand of the King now and even though it made no sense that he wasn’t written into the history, he should still have a fine time helping Bran rule (although that should also be unnecessary since Bran is al seeing and all knowing so why the FUCK does he need anyone’s help?). 

THE BAD:

Where did those Dothraki come from at the battle at King’s Landing?  Weren’t all of these guys sent out to die in the first wave against the army of the dead?  No?  There was a second unit hiding somewhere?  Okay sure, then why were they never seen again during the Battle of Winterfell? 

Why didn’t everyone explode into ice when the Night King was killed?  We saw it several times earlier in the show – you kill a white walker and all the people he raised shatter into ice or snow or glass or whatever the fuck.  They had that huge funeral pyre after the battle for all the dead, but there shouldn’t have been any bodies, or at least not a whole lot of them since, you know, they should have exploded when the night king died (this happened to Viserion as he was about to attack Jon).

What in the everloving fuck was the point of the Night King?  I already wrote about this on my previous post so no need to recap, but this entire plot point ended up being a giant fuck you to all of us.

What in the everloving fuck was Jaime’s character arc?  He was the most complicated character in the show and killed off in one of the stupidest ways imaginable, dying in a cave-in trying to save his sister/lover.  Why did he even travel to Winterfell in the first place then? 

Speaking of his death, when Jaime and Cercei go under the keep to escape they find themselves trapped by rubble, and the entire place seemingly caves in.  Wait no, that’s not right because Tyrion heads down there and is able to walk around where he finds them together under a moderately small pile of rocks.  Great, sure.  Their deaths must have been the two most unsatisfying of the entire show.  Cercei – not killed by Jaime, Arya, The Hound, Jon Snow, a dragon, the Night King.  No, killed by falling fucking rocks. 

What happens when Bran dies?  Do these dumb dumbs believe there will be a peaceful transition of power when the heads of whoever is around determine a new king?  Don’t they have, I don’t know, thousands of years of history telling them otherwise?  Why is Yara so shocked at the idea of electing a new leader WHEN IT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY DO IN THE IRON ISLANDS?

Who the fuck is that new Prince of Dorne and why does he matter so little?  Actually strike that, who fucking cares. 

Okay so Sansa is the Queen of the North.  Wait a second, this was just an option?

I know it was briefly touched on during the show, but what is west of Westeros?  In thousands and thousands of years, nobody has sailed in that general direction?  Count me out for the Arya the Explorer spin-off.

Azor Ahai.  Oh, another thread that was actually meaningless?  Cool. 

I won’t even go into detail how much I hated the death of Rhaegal and how absolutely stupid it was. The inconsistency and logical problems with this, especially as it relates to Drogon and how he was able to avoid all projectiles are mind-numbing.

Back to Jon Snow – so, why is there even a Night’s Watch anymore?  I guess there has to be somewhere to send the criminals you don’t want to execute but….what exactly do they watch anymore?  The army of the dead has been defeated and everyone is friends with the wildlings now so….what does the Watch watch?  Do they just sit around complaining about the cold now?  And how much of that wall is still standing?  It sure seems like a lot, even though we saw a lot more of it crumble previously.  Oh well, whatever.

Everything about Euron Greyjoy. 

Everything Brann.  What was he doing during the Battle of Winterfell?  Why does he get to become King, because he has the best fucking story (also very arguable)? 

The Golden Company.  No, they had no elephants and actually, they had nothing.  Nothing at all.  We saw them for a quick flash before they were all wiped out in one fell swoop by Drogon.  A completely pointless arc concocted by Cercei that ended up being absolutely meaningless.  Bye Harry Strickland, it was nice knowing you for those two scenes you were in. 

They sure built King’s Landing back quickly, seems to me this should have taken years, if not decades. 

So Sam is what, the Archmaester of King’s Landing now?  I recall him leaving the Citadel and not being anywhere near completing his training but I guess they just take deserters back no problem.  It’s like adding a dropping a class apparently.  Or maybe he was given an honorary degree since he did find a cure to Greyscale and all. 

I know it doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things, but what’s going on in Essos now?  Dany sort of just up and left, assuming that slavery wouldn’t come back, but there’s basically nobody to enforce that anymore, rending all of her time spent there totally pointless.

In fact, if there’s one consistency that the final season showed us, is that there is no consistency.  Character arcs mean nothing, logic doesn’t exist and nothing matters.

Look, I’m not one of these morons who signed a petition crying that HBO needs to redo the season.  You’re not going to make all the people happy all of the time.  That said, I really hope GRRM finally finishes these fucking books so we can get an actual ending that makes a bit of fucking sense, that has some thematic consistency, and doesn’t give us the Wayne’s World Super Happy Ending that the show gave us.